The Stalking and Murder of Alice Ruggles

In October of 2015, Alice Ruggles received a communication via facebook from Lance Corporal Trimaan Dhillon (who went by Harry). He’d seen a photo of her that a mutual friend posted and commented that she was the most “naturally beautiful woman” he’d ever seen.

After this communication, the two began communicating regularly via Facebook- Harry was stationed in Afghanistan in a non-combat role at this time. He would often send her flowers with sweet notes attached, and she would often send him care packages to Afghanistan.

When he returned to the UK from his post in Afghanistan, the relationship intensified and the two were officially a couple.

Friends and family described Alice as outgoing, confident and charismatic before meeting and dating Harry. Once he returned the UK, the Alice they knew began to fade away and an isolated, self-conscious, timid Alice took her place.

Harry portrayed himself to be a romantic gentleman in the beginning of their relationship. As the relationship progressed, however, he began to show his controlling nature more and more. Stalkers and abusers tend to reveal themselves layer by layer, like peeling back an onion. This way, you feel like you’re making a big deal out of small, isolated incidents. They have to begin things as a decent human being in order to continue the relationship long enough to break you down mentally.

In episode 104 of Sword and Scale, host Mike Boudet says that items such as flowers and chocolates normally associated with romance and caring for someone can be twisted into tools of abuse. So well said.

The Truth Begins to Show

Harry began emotionally abusing Alice and controlling her pretty quickly once he returned to Edinborough where he lived, about 2 hours from Gateshead. Her friends and family cited incidents such as Harry making Alice get out of the shower and stand in the kitchen naked and wet so he could use the toilet in her bathroom, degrading her for dressing proactively in public while also degrading her if she was not dressed provacatively enough for his taste, making comments about her nose and hair on her arms, isolating her from friends and family, accusing her of being unfaithful, actively trying to make her jealous of other women… the list goes on and on.

Was any of this obvious abuse to outsiders? Did it leave bruises or marks? No. But it was a strategy to make Alice feel that she’s at fault for anything that Harry did- that she deserved it and that she was nothing without him. It was purposefully used to make her believe that these are small things- no one of them large enough to warrant a breakup.

In the summer of 2016, Alice discovered that Harry was cheating on her and she ended the relationship. It is reported that it was at this point that Harry began stalking her. I believe he was stalking her long before they broke up, but it’s hard to tell you’re being stalked by your current boyfriend.

He wrote her a letter telling her that he was going to marry her and that she’d have to deal with him for the rest of her life, and poems- one line stating that he cannot accept it has ended. He called her repeatedly and numerous times. He showed up at her house uninvited and unannounced. He texted her obsessively, in one text saying that he would but his arm off to be with her and that he’d write her a letter in blood.

He used her passwords to hack into her Facebook and other accounts, which also helped him to identify her whereabouts and make stalking her easier.

He left her creepy voicemails, in one stating that he didn’t want to kill her… her roommate Maxine listened to this message as well and remembers him using the phrase “kill you” multiple times in the same voicemail.

Alice began to fear for her safety, and began to lose weight and show severe signs of anxiety.

In the fall of 2016, she went to visit her sister in Germany and met a British army officer named Mike who she began dating.

Harry learned of the relationship and became obsessed with whether Mike was “better than him.” He talked to friends about this and asked them if they thought Mike was better. In an attempt to break up the relationship,; he sent Mike a Facebook message telling him that Alice was still dating him and telling him that she was in love with him (Harry) and asked Mike where the two of them stood so that he could tell if Alice was playing him. He forged messages from Alice in What’s App and sent screenshots to Mike to show him that Alice was still messaging him and that she was in fact telling Harry that she loved him. Harry’s plan backfired, actually strengthening the relationship between Mike and Alice. He became desperate to win her back.

On September 30, 2016 Harry left Alice another voicemail begging her to call him. When she didn’t respond, he drove to her house and knocked on her windows and doors. When she didn’t answer, he left flowers and chocolates and called her again from the road. In this message he tries to come across as sincere and apologetic, saying that he knows she doesn’t want to talk to him but bringing her flowers is the least he could do to show he’s sorry for continuing to contact her. He says “if you want to talk to me that’s great and if not I understand…” Keep in mind he drove over 2 hours one way to make this “peace offering,” waking her up in the middle of the night. He also mentions that he does not “want to kill her” several times in this voicemail.

Pleading for Help

After this incident, Alice finally decided to call the police to report Harry’s behavior. She dialed the non emergency line there, like calling our local police department rather than 911. This is 12:33am on Saturday, October 1st. You can hear the call by clicking here.

What appalls me about this call is actually several things:

• The operator tells Alice she can visit a solicitor and take out what is our equivalent of a restraining order or they can serve him a PIN notice- which is basically a warning telling Harry to lay off bc Alice has called police- but it’s HER CHOICE. It is terrifying to finally call and report someone for stalking or abuse. She likely already feels she’s being silly, and says herself in this call her friends have asked her to call police many times but she hadn’t wanted to before now. If you leave this up to the victim who is asking for your help and protection, they will almost always choose the lesser option or decide to just wait it out and do nothing out of fear.
• The police have no available appts that day to take her statement so they schedule for the next day, Sunday. Alice tells her roommate she feels “palmed off” by them wondering why she even called in the first place at this point.

Almost a week later, on October 7th, she calls again to report she’s received another letter from Harry after he’d received the PIN notice containing photos of them together.

The operator asks if the letter is threatening; Alice says no, but receiving any contact after repeatedly asking to be left alone and reporting this to police is threatening by nature. Even if the letter contained no explicit threats of violence, the fact that he is continuing to contact her basically says “fuck your pin notice.”

The operator asks if she wants to have Harry arrested; she declines, not wanting to ruin his career. They essentially tell her that they’ll get the message to someone and someone will contact her regarding the issue. Again, the fact that he deliberately violated the PIN notice directly after receiving it and being told by his commanding officer to leave Alice alone is displaying aggressive or threatening behavior. It is up to the police to take action when someone violates an order to cease contact.

At this point, Alice is very frustrated with police and their lack of help. “They will fucking respond once he has fucking stabbed me.” Alice told her sister after calling the police for protection now multiple times.

On October 10, Harry drives from his barracks to Alice’s flat and takes two photos of her in the bathroom through her window.

9 days after Harry Dhillon received the PIN notice from police,  Alice’s roommate Maxine would make a frantic call to 999 to report that she’d found Alice covered in blood and unresponsive in their flat.

On October 12, Maxine was going to her boyfriend’s home in Durham but stopped home after work for her mobile phone.

She found the flat locked and couldn’t get any response from Alice so she climbed through a window. As she looked at her phone, she noticed Alice lying on the bathroom floor.

Maxine called 999 in hysterics to report that she’d found Alice and during the call realizes that she’s dead. She says that her throat has been slashed and she can’t tell what other injuries she has other than she can tell that she’s been beaten and she believes she has broken bones. She tells the operator about Harry Dhillon and that he’d been stalking and threatening Alice and calls him an absolute psychopath.

Following a trial, Harry Dhillon was found guilty of murder. The  judge described his horrific attack as “utter barbarism” and the devastated family of murdered Alice have described him as a “cruel, manipulative bully”.

Dhillon has been given a life sentence and will spend a minimum of 22 years behind bars.

After the trial concluded, a podcast was released called “It’s Not Your Fault: Alice’s Story” in which Alice’s family and Maxine discuss the case. There are 3 episodes and it centers around recognizing domestic violence and steps you can take to prevent it or get help. In the first episode, Alice’s mother talks about how in order to stop domestic violence, you have to first recognize that you are in that situation. This sounds silly, but in reality many people in violent or controlling relationships only see isolated incidents that in and of themselves alone are not enough to end the relationship over. Over time, they become worn down and see “punishments” as being deserved, and begin to feel that they are not good enough to be with anyone other than their abuser.

I actually dated someone in high school who showed these types of tendencies. He even busted my lip once, hit me in the stomach hard enough 1 week after I’d had a hernia repaired that I had to have a second surgery to repair what he’d torn open, and held me against lockers after school by my throat when I confronted him about dating another girl. At the end of that confrontation, I was saying “you’re right, you should be able to do whatever you want…” It wasn’t until we had someone come to speak to our school about domestic violence (which I barely listened to because I didn’t think it applied to me) that I realized something was not right. The speaker handed out tri-fold fliers that had different items that you could check mark to identify whether you were in an abusive relationship. I did the exercise and out of the entire brochure, only 2 items were left unchecked. My mind was blown. How had I not seen this? It all started to make sense. I ended the relationship, knowing that if I stayed it would only continue to get worse.

And this is when the stalking started. My family and I lived out in the country, and he’d “drive by” my house several times a day (which was at least 20 minutes in the opposite direction of anything else he’d need to drive to). He began filming me walking down the halls at school, he got a job at the restaurant where I worked, and started leaving notes on my car with passages from relationship self-help books cut out and glued to them.

While we were still dating, he would park in front of the restaurant window at the beginning of my shift and sit there until I got off work, which I thought was sweet at the time. He’d then accuse me of cheating on him with every male I spoke to at work- customers I checked out, kitchen staff I gave orders to, everyone. Little did I know he was cheating on me left and right.

He called my family members asking for baby photos of me for a video he was working on that was going to get us back together. My mom finally took out an order of protection on my behalf against him- I was 17 at the time. I hated her for it. I thought she was being dramatic. One day in class, police came and arrested him at school while he was reading the bible at his desk. Pretty much everyone at school hated me, or it felt that way. Girls wore shirts that had his name on them and said “he is my hero,” making it clear that they did not believe me.

After he pled guilty to stalking and harrassment, he came to my high school graduation and my cousin overheard him saying that he was going to wait for me after graduation and bash my head in with a rock. He threatened everyone we worked with that if they spoke to me he’d kill them. He was fired from the restaurant and told not to come back. My boss had a male coworker walk me to my car after every shift to be sure he wasn’t waiting for me as he normally did. He’d show up to places I was with friends and when I called police to report him violating his order of protection, they told me that by the time they got there he’d be gone and that I should leave wherever I was if I was uncomfortable. So much for the order of protection. When we went to court, our youth pastor at church came with him and sat on his side. I felt so betrayed and alone. The police gave me the option of what I wanted to do- did I want to move forward and go to court and make sure this stuck on his record? Or did I want to settle now and it would be expunged after a few years? I was so terrified that I took the second option. I was scared of him even in court with police around. I wanted it to be over. I felt like people judged me and thought I was making things up for attention.

After we settled, I had a few ex girlfriends of his contact me and thank me for standing up for myself. They told me he’d been violent with them and that it got worse and worse the longer they stayed together. I wish now I hadn’t taken the easy way out- I hope that he has stopped his violent behavior and has not put any other woman through the pain that he had already put others through.

After hearing Alice’s story, I hate knowing that she didn’t get the help that she needed when she needed it. She reached out. She asked for help. And it was left in her court and all she got was “we’ll take a message.” She lost her life out of jealousy and someone who had to have control. Stalking is such a serious crime. It escalates and becomes life threatening even without using words that specifically detail violence.

If you see anyone who you believe is being abused, controlled or manipulated in a relationship, reach out to them. Let them know you’re there to help. Report violent behavior. You could save a life.